Jayne Sterne, author of Destroyed, talks about her book and domestic abuse during a very sensitive interview with Jenue’s Journal.

Destroyed is an emotional true story of your life.  It must have been difficult for you to relive the abusive memories.  How did you get through that?
 
It was very difficult to relive the abuse. However, I lost two very special people in my life through horrific and very brutal circumstances. Media also became a part of my life for a while, not by choice but by the nature of my loss, which is enclosed in my book Destroyed.  I didn’t know how to deal with grief and could not understand the pain that ripped through every part of my body mentally and physically.  It was like no other pain I had felt in my life. I learned very quickly that grief brings memories, some of which I had closed doors on a long time ago.  The memories of the abuse came to the surface as though it was happening all over again.  Feeling powerless and afraid of my feelings and memories, I decided to write my thoughts down as it happened. Writing a book was the last thing on my mind. If I’m honest, it was simply a way to keep me sane from the terrible thoughts that entered my mind.

Before I knew it, pages and pages of my tragic childhood began to unfold. A journalist, who had become friends with me from much earlier on, said that it was an interesting story.  I started to feel that this was a good way to express to people, who don’t understand, why children that have been violated with such brutality don’t speak out.   I became strong, focused and determined to break the chains of silence. I wanted to be a voice that was heard.  I wanted to show other abused victims that they’re not alone. We are not dirty and most importantly it was not our fault. 
 
I realized that the only way to help others was to share this story and to hand the guilt back to the guilty.  I wanted my voice heard, but more importantly to help others through my words.
 
How long did it take you to write Destroyed? 
 
Destroyed took three and a half years to write.  I left school at fourteen so I don’t think that I could have done it without the luxury of a computer and spell check.

Was it difficult finding a publisher?

I was very lucky, there was such a huge interest in my story. You do need an agent, but again, I was lucky to have a friend that could introduce me to someone; so getting it published was not so hard for me. I will say though, it was still a very anxious time waiting for responses.  It all takes time, perhaps longer than most of us would think.
 
Do you have any advice for those who are currently facing domestic abuse?
 
I would say to anyone going through domestic abuse, please, please get out.  You can not help those that can not help themselves. Sorry becomes an all too easy word. I know myself how easy it is to forgive, how lonely it feels, and the failure and shame it brings. Walking away from everything is very hard but it will save your life.  Don’t allow the perpetrator to play physiological games where you are made to feel it’s your fault.  It’s what they do and they’re very good at it. I can hear people say but I love him/her. When they’re nice they’re perfect, they don’t mean it! I say love holds no conditions; it’s not harmful and does not seek to destroy. Domestic abuse is all the things love is NOT.
 
Now that your story is told, where do you go from here?
 
I really want to help others. I would like to start an organization where people can be heard. I’m not sure how yet but I’m in the process of finding out. I’m more than willing to do talks on these subjects.

Jenue:  I also had to live through an abusive childhood so I know how memories can sneak up on you.  Just recently, I saw a date which spiraled me into crying uncontrollably in front of an important contact.  This contact was the very first person to tell me that it’s good to cry.  Of course, I know that it’s okay for Tom, Doug and Harry to cry — but not for me.  Contact, thank you.

Jayne, you’re a fascinating woman and an inspiration to us all.