by Phillip Jennings

Intelligence Failure
Two words now joined at the hip. Remember when our alphabet agencies -CIA, DIA, NSA, FBI – were actually competent? Are you sure? Maybe they were just better at burying their mistakes. . . .

Our spooks have been playing games with other governments for half a century. Allies and enemies alike have gotten tired of our grubby fingerprints all over their national interests. Gearheardt’s answer? Be sure to wear gloves!

Gearheardt – apparently back from the dead, or maybe Laos – wants to play for all the Mexican marbles, and he insists he needs Jack’s help to do it. Just like the last time in Vietnam, he claims to be working for “the Company.”

Jack really is in the CIA now, temporarily running the Mexico City station at the embassy, and ought to know better, but Gearheardt’s sexy assistant with the disdain for clothes is so darn cute and Gearheardt’s insane resolve is just so darn convincing. (Even though it’s true that the last time around they failed spectacularly in their attempt to get Ho Chi Minh to retire to Hawaii, and then they didn’t even shoot him either.) But does the Agency really want the Cubans to take over Mexico?

Phillip, what inspired you to start writing?

When I first began to talk, as a two year old, I could only communicate in a Croatian dialect. My parents could find no one in our small Kansas community who understood, let alone spoke Croatian. For years I carried a Dictionary of the English Language everywhere I went and would point to words in the dictionary to indicate to others what I needed to communicate. In high school the dictionary was confiscated by the police as evidence in an assassination attempt on the District Superintendent of Schools. Being too poor to afford a new dictionary led me to begin writing down as many words as I could recall. The effort, over a number of years, became my first novel.

Later a chance meeting in a gymnasium parking lot and a threatening letter to one of the judges gave me the Pirates Alley Faulkner Society award for best fiction in 1998. It was my (misguided) understanding that I could use that name for my writing efforts henceforth and have since published a number of works under the name Faulkner, most notably Absalom My Ass which brought a great deal of personal satisfaction as well as numerous restraining orders.

I have always loved to write. Found it a more compatible medium than speaking as I was always painfully shy. And with satire (my current genre) I can write things without getting chased by machete-swinging dopes who have taken umbrage.

Did you use any of your own personal experiences as a former US Marine in the development of “Goodbye Mexico”?

I think so.

 In your book, which character is most like you?

That would have to be ‘Jack.’ He is the thinking man’s CIA agent. A little secret is that Jack and Gearheardt just might be each other’s alter ego. Only one of them really exists. The other is an invention to create a safe way to deal with certain insanities of life as a killer and sneak. However in writing the book (and Nam-A-Rama before) I forgot which was which. In a crazy way, it may be that Jack and Gearheardt invented me in order to get their stories told. Those rotten bastards. Anyway, Jack would be more like me in real life—a wimp. Non confrontational. A go-along idealist. A guy who worries about things like whether or not Einstein ever ordered anything from the Sears catalog. Maybe a jacket or some underwear.

You’re currently working on the “Goodbye Mexico” movie. What goes into a typical day of movie making?

I hear the ‘f’ word even more than in the Marine Corps (and, trust me on this, that was a lot). Most Hollywood people are only thirteen or fourteen years old. Except for the people who are about four hundred years old but dress like teenagers and have scary faces. I spend a great deal of my day fighting back the urge to beat the crap out of people. As we are only in pre-pre-production (in this stage we lie about where we are, who’s in the movie, and who all is chasing us with other, better deals) I am just interviewing screenwriters and discussing actors and directors. That part is good. Sometimes the discussions are serious as in ‘can dogs get human clap? or other STDs?’ and sometimes they are just a waste of time. Mostly we discuss sex and naked women. My wife says she’s never seen me happier.

What’s the secret of your success as an author? What does it take for new writers to make it?

A few years ago I sent a check for $1000 to an author after I had read his interview. It seems that that investment in myself gave me the confidence and energy to begin writing like I had always wanted to write. Even as I sit here now at 7621 E. Cranmont Street, Kingston, Ohio, 69003, I can still remember the sense of commitment and freedom that came over me. Supporting another author, particularly one who you have just read his interview, may in some ways be the most important thing you can do as an aspiring author. He might even write you back and provide direct deposit instructions. Certainly he will take a look at your work of genius (really, a lot of genius-like work is found in this manner) and immediately call his agent and editor. Then you’re off on a whirlwind of writing and getting nearly published and other magical things.

It’s important to have a lick of sense. And try to be interesting. It wouldn’t hurt to know a bit of spelling. And never never never believe someone who says “Go ahead and send it, I’ll overlook the errors, typos, and poor grammar to just get the story.” They don’t. In fact it’s impossible to do that. Have your writing as good as it can possibly be before letting anyone, even your clapped-up dog, read it. This I mean.

Finally, try to get to be a better writer. That’s the secret to making it. Read what you’ve written out loud until you don’t puke after you finish. Rewrite after each puke. Get a tattoo.

Jenue:  Phillip, you’re an interesting character and I wish you lots of luck with the movie.   Where can I get wit like yours?